| Partnership of love | reason for failure | lifelong fidelity | resolving fear and crisis |

 

Here is the reason for the failure of so many marriages, in spite of honest efforts and promises: although most people think that love is important, many believe that there is nothing much to be learned about love. Essential to love is being kind and benevolent to each other, allowing both personalities and their relationship to mature and grow, being open to discussion, being tender and fond, but also able to face conflicts. A successful partnership also requires a positive attitude toward one's own and the partner's body, expressed in sexual fantasy, and paying attention to the sexual relationship.

At first glance, these sound like very stringent requirements, but they can be met with faithfulness to oneself and to the partner. Undoubtedly, lifelong fidelity does not simply fall from heaven. It is up to the spouses to put effort into maintaining trust and fidelity in their relationship. Often overlooked is the fact that conjugal fidelity means much more than only sexual faithfulness.

There are many other forms of marital disloyalty, hardly less hurtful and unkind: mistrust, lack of time for each other, impatience, indifference toward the partner's problems, unwillingness to listen, denial of personal freedom and private space, jealous attempts to control, litany of faults, refusal to agree to reconciliation, etc.

Limiting fidelity to sexuality enables us to ignore the importance of all its other forms, giving sexual infidelity so much weight that it is considered unpardonable and the end of the marriage. Being sexually unfaithful, however, is usually only the consequence of an already existing general attitude of conjugal disloyalty.

Long into this century and to some extent, even today, marriage has been considered general and sexual union, having the prime goal of begetting children and having a family. The man was the head of the family, deciding everything. His wife was the mother and housekeeper serving the husband and children. Today it is generally believed that both husband and wife have equal value and rights. Their common life is planned and realized together. Jointly, they decide on the timing and the number of children. Primarily, they see their marriage as partnership of love.

Living as partners in a marriage means going the same way together, being dependent on each other but also respecting each other's freedom and desire for personal development. The other partner's desire for freedom and development often leads to fear and crisis. The couples best fit to resolve any crisis are those who talk to each other openly and learn how to "hold on and let go".